Social Interaction
by The-Lady-Smaell
Summary: ONESHOT: The Jounin have been being naughty naughty little children. What's a Hokage to do? Involve everyone's favorite academy sensei to give them a lesson in being good. Rated M for language only very slight Kak/Iru... You'll see


Social Interaction.

A/N *Looks REALLY annoyed at herself* Okay I KNOW I should be writing the next chapter of 'Human Nature' I really do, but this idea has been bugging me for days. I'm gonna have to break the promise I made to myself as well which sucks. (The promise being not to start anything else whilst in the middle of a fic) *Growls* Stupid inspiration. This is the first in a series of one shot fics all based around a single series of events (Already have two more planned out). Sorry my brain just wants to do humor!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto. Clear!

Rating: M for the excessive use of foul language including the 'F' word., YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Tsunade, Fifth Hokage of the village hidden in the leaves was having a BAD day. In fact it was fair to say that in the fairness of all things she was having a REALLY bad day. She had already put up with a meeting with the back stabbers that were the elders and then an even worse meeting with the council. Honestly Tsunade truly wished she could just put Hiashi Hyuga through a wall and be done with it. The man was such a pain in the fucking arse. Groaning and clutching her head, Tsunade reached into her drawer and grabbed the bottle of sake resting there, badly in need of something to dull the pounding. Pouring a small glass she gulped the rice wine down in one and sat back allowing the alcohol to flow through her system. Feeling much more relaxed Tsunade sighed and continued with the hell that was paperwork. Fortunately she was saved by a knock on the door.

"Enter."

Shizune hurried in not looking at all happy, clasping a thick folder between her arms. She reached her masters desk and unceremoniously dumped the file in front of Tsunade, a few bits of paper falling out.

"Come on Shizune, I've got enough to do without this on top of it."

"But Lady Tsunade, these are the folders to do with the council meeting. You know the ''Very pressing matter that requires an immediate response' meeting."

Tsunade groaned audibly, she was beginning to remember the specifics of the meeting she had been involved in. The Hokage made a point not to really pay all that much attention during council meetings, they were usually tear inducingly boring and pointless. However something rather alarming had been brought to her attention and was part of the reason she currently wanted to put Hiashi through a wall. 'Bloody Hypocrite' she thought venomously.

It appeared that a large number of the Jounin community had been receiving a large number of complaints about certain aspects of their behavior. To be short the whole lot of them were acting like chauvinistic sex craved idiots and she wasn't just referring to the men. It turns out the the female populace were just as bad.

"So is this all of them?" Tsunade sighed rubbing her eyes.

"Sort of" Shizune shuffled her feet anxiously and looked at the floor.

Tsunade felt her temper boil "What do you mean sort of?"

Shizune looked genuinely nervous now "Well thats all of them for this week....." she trailed off not really wanting to finish the sentence.

"Shizune..." The word was more growled than spoken.

"Um... Er well that's all of them for this week, for Kakashi-Senpai" Shizune waited for the inferno to explode.

Tsunade shut her eyes trying to win a losing fight with her temper. "For fucks sake what is wrong with these people it's as if no one ever told them how to....."

The rage fled her system and was instead replaced with a feeling of pure mischief 'Oh now that _would_ be a sight to see'. The idea that had just occurred to her was pure evil and made her grin wickedly. Shizune gulped.

"Shizune?"

The dark haired woman looked her sensei straight in the eye "Yes my lady?" her voice quivered.

"Do you know of anyone that is on particularly bad terms with the brat?"

Shizune looked totally stunned at the question, that was not at all what she had been expecting. To be honest she didn't really know what she was expecting to come out of the crazy womans mouth, but she knew that wasn't it.

"Um not really Lady Tsunade, most people just distance themselves from him."

Tsunade felt her hope dashed and then Shizune provided a lifeline.

"But..."

"But?"

"Well I was working the missions desk a while back. Covering for Izumo and well Kakashi-senpai was handing in his report and well, lets just say there was some friction between him and one of the desk workers."

"Well that's mot really anything new. Kakashi pisses everyone off. He never hands in a legible report."

"Um... Well it was Kakashi-senpai handing out the abuse. When the guy refused to accept it, Kakashi-senpai called him a soft, weak, pencil pushing no hope bastard, and said he was surprised the guy had ever made a chuunin. The scary thing was he actually sounded serious."

Kakashi. Serious. Would wonders never cease. Tsunade was intrigued.

"And then what happened?"

Shizune felt the ghost of a smirk flitter across her features "Well after Kakashi-senpai said all this, the Chuunin just stood up all red in the face glared at him and then landed the sweetest right hook I've ever seen, screaming 'If I'm such a useless Shinobi you would have seen that coming, asshole.' before storming out of the room."

Tsunade's smirk turned eviler and knew she had found what she was looking for. "So who was it?"

"Umino Iruka"

The Hokage's brain whirred trying to put a face to the name. Vaguely she got the image of a brown haired man, with a scarred face but happy smile surrounded by children, "Ah the academy sensei."

"That's the one, he's very close to Naruto-kun."

This was too perfect. First she'd torture the brat with his enemy and then he'd have to put up with the loud blond in the aftermath. This was beyond perfect, this was bliss.

"Shizune, have a message sent to Iruka-sensei. I want to see him first thing in the morning."

"Yes Ma'am."

~*~

The next morning Umino Iruka found himself sitting in the Hokage's office, with a somewhat worried look on his face. He couldn't fathom out why Tsunade had decided to call upon him and to be truthful he didn't really care to find out. If Izumo and Kotetsu's stories were anything to go by this was not a place the academy sensei wanted to be. The scarred man train of thought was broken as the Hokage herself swept in, in a moderately regal fashion. The illusion somewhat spoiled by the tired look and smell of sake floating around her.

Iruka stood and bowed politely "You wished to speak with me Hokage-sama?"

Tsunade nodded and motioned for the man to sit down, Iruka took the invitation and sat down stiffly not at all at ease with the situation. "Iruka-sensei, I'm unsure as to whether you are aware of the current situation in the village." Iruka shook his head slightly confused, the Hokage continued "It has been brought to mine and several of the council members attention that many of the higher ranking Jounin in the village have been displaying, unacceptable behavior."

Iruka was really confused now. "so what does this have to do with me Hokage-sama?"

Tsunade smirked sardonically and the brown haired chuunin felt a shudder race down his spine. "Well having heard of your prowess in the mission room and the academy, we thought maybe you would have a good chance at teaching these Jounin a lesson." the smile widened.

Iruka felt himself pale, how on earth was he going to get a bunch of irrational, self righteous, big headed, smug Jounin to listen to him. Never mind the fact he was actually going to have to do this Tsunade clearly wasn't going to let him escape, but he had absolutely no idea what exactly this lesson he was expected to teach was.

"There is no way I can decline this is there Hokage-sama? I mean I'm honored but I still have a class to teach at the academy and I dread to leave the mission room in someone else's hands." Iruka's attempt at a plausible excuse was decent, but the Hokage just kept smiling at him, in a very unnerving manner.

"There is nothing to worry about Iruka-sensei, I have already got someone to cover your class and your shift at the missions desk. There is absolutely nothing stopping you from performing this task for me."

knowing he had lost Iruka lowered his head in resignation. "Yes Hokage-sama."

Tsunade sat up straight in happiness "Wonderful. The lecture begins at noon."

Iruka rose from his seat and headed toward the door, stopping just before it. There was one, rather important question that he hadn't asked.

"Um Hokage-sama, what exactly is this lesson I'm going to be teaching?"

Across the village many people would have swore that at precisely 7:54 am they heard a voice scream very loudly

"YOU FUCKING WANT ME TO DO WHAT!!!"

And then dismissed it immediately, putting it down to another day in Shinobi life.

~*~

At ten minutes to noon Iruka walked up to the disused classroom with a heavy heart and a vast migraine rapidly forming. He could NOT believe he had gotten roped into this and was definitely planning some payback to Tsunade after this whole ordeal was over, Hokage or not. After his small outburst in her office Tsunade had explained the specifics of what was expected of Iruka during this session. She had also informed him that he would have a partner during this exercise, this didn't comfort him one jot and had been having day-mares about what kind of psycho the Hokage had stuck him with. Iruka visibly shuddered at the thought of being stuck with Anko or even worse Gai. The green beast was more than Iruka's psyche could handle and he forced down a wretch.

"Well into the lions den I go." he muttered under his breath and stepped inside.

The classroom was currently unoccupied and Iruka felt a small flicker of relief was through him, it as short lived as he sensed someone enter behind him.

"Well, well, well if it isn't the mother hen." The voice was ripe with amusement.

Iruka flushed and turned glaring at the silver haired Jounin behind him, Kakashi was standing with his arms folded his one visible eye curving up in a malicious smirk. The scarred Chuunin felt his temper begin to boil but quickly reigned it in and offered a equally malicious smirk in return.

"Hatake-sensei." he said simply and turned back to the desk, looking for the package that Tsunade was supposed to have left for him.

"Looking for something Umino-sensei?" the voice was lilting and Iruka could feel that eye boring into his back.

Gritting his teeth to stop himself from snapping he turned around and gave Kakashi a stern look. "Yes I am, there is supposed to be a package here for me."

"Oh you mean this one?" Kakashi pulled out a small brown package out of his vest and held it out to the sensei. In his mind Iruka was repeating the mantra he always used when dealing with the copy-nin 'I will not kill Kakashi Hatake, he is a valuable asset to the village. I will not kill.....' Snatching the parcel from the outstretched hand, Iruka quickly tore it open and gazed in horror at the contents. Surely Tsunade HAD to be kidding. In front of him was a dummies guide to social interaction with a number o pages bookmarked. As he thumbed through a note fell to the floor bearing the Hokage's seal, tentively the academy sensei bent down and picked it up.

_'Iruka'_ The note started

_'I have outlined exactly what I want you to show these idiot Jounin, good luck._

_Tsunade_

_P.S: Kakashi has been assigned as your partner. Have fun and try to keep him in mostly one piece.'_

Oh yes there was going to be some fucking hell to pay.

Iruka felt the color drain from his face and the rush back with a fierce intensity 'Tsunade is so FUCKING DEAD I don't care if she's the Hokage and then I'm going to kill every single Jounin I can think of for getting me in this situation..' this mental rant went on for a few moments until a small cough brought the brown haired man back to his senses.

"What!!" Iruka snapped a snarl gracing his features.

Behind him several Jounin looked shocked and shrank back from the normally calm academy sensei. Iruka currently didn't give a shit and ordered the intimidated Jounin to take a seat so they could get this hell over and done with.

An hour later, Iruka was at his wits end, honestly he couldn't believe the rabble in front of him were adults, NEVER mind the highest ranking Shinobi in Konoha. And he swore if he had to explain to Anko one more time why groping people in public was not a socially acceptable thing to do, he was going to learn Chidori and fucking fry her genitalia.

Speaking of Chidori.

Iruka glared at the copy-nin who had been nothing but trouble the entire hour. When he hadn't been rudely interrupting him, mocking him behind his back and generally being an ass, he had been silent in the corner looking amused at Iruka's discomfort. Thankfully there was only one thing left to do and finally he'd be able to get a small modicum of revenge on the copy-nin.

"Right the last thing we have to show you is a practical demonstration of what good behavior toward the opposite sex is. For that i would like to ask Hatake-sensei to assist me."

"The hell I won't."

Iruka turned and glared positioning himself into his best teacher stance.

"Listen to me Hatake, I want this to end as much as you do so stop being an asshole and fucking help me. Unless of course you want Tsunade to take her wrath out on you?" Iruka was pleased to see the small flicker of panic on the pale mans face.

"Fine. But I'm doing this to get out of here."

"Thank you, now if you'll take the womans role...."

"Excuse me." the voice was aghast "I am not being the girl."

"Yes you are Hatake-san, it's the least you can do after all the shit you've put me through." The Chuunin could feel his migraine returning.

"Screw that, you look way more girly than me. You do it."

Iruka growled at the comment. "I. AM. NOT. GIRLY."

Kakashi smirked evilly "Could have fooled me with that little temper tantrum you're throwing. Time of the month is it?"

The academy sensei saw red and only just resisted the urge to send the smug bastard flying across the room. "You son of a bitch."

The copy-nin's smirk turned eviler "Well them lets be fair about this, lets have a vote. Those who think I should play the female role raise your hands."

There was a brief smattering of hands in the air, Iruka glared 'stupid Jounin sticking together.'

"I win sensei." Kakashi purred "Now take your hair out."

"What the fuck!"

"I said take your hair out, it will allow you to give a more convincing performance."

"I am not taking my hair out just because you tell me too, asshole."

"Then you leave me no choice sensei."

In a flash Kakashi was behind him kunai in hand, Iruka tried to spin but the silver haired Jounin was far to fast. In a second the tie that had bound his hair was ripped in two and fluttered to the floor along with his headband which had been untied. Iruka felt his hair flutter down over his shoulders and face, which heated up with embarrassment.

"There that's much more like it my little lady." The Chuunin glared "Now then shall we begin." Kakashi said jovially. Iruka's glare intensified and he bent down picked up the book, wondering just how long and painful he should make the Jounins death.

The two of the walked through the notions of the role play, Kakashi clearly enjoying Iruka's discomfort and making sure that Iruka knew how much he was enjoying his discomfort. After ten excruciating minutes they finally came to the last scene and upon reading it both men paled considerably, the Jounins in the audience perked up considerably.

"Come on how does it end." Called Anko mischievously "You've finished your meal now what."

Iruka blushed, he hadn't even considered something like this when they'd started this off and if he knew the Jounins in front of him (And he did, they were all sick in the head.) They would make him and Kakashi finish what they started. Not even the copy-nin could take on this many Jounin at once.

"Come on you two were waiting for the walk home." yelled Genma

The two teachers looked at one another in slight horror, they knew the sooner this was over the better. Silently they came to a momentary truce, just until this 'hell' was over.

"Okay" Iruka cleared his voice and willed the blood in his face to dissipate. "The last part of a socially acceptable date is walking your date home. As Kakashi-san and myself will now demonstrate."

The pair walked around the classroom close to one another but not close enough to touch after a few moments they stopped as if they'd reached a door.

"I've had a lovely evening, thank you Hatake-san."

"You're very welcome."

The tension in the air was palpable, every Jounin sat on the edge of their seats, knowing full well what came next. 'The goodnight kiss' They waited anxiously for the dirt they were about to receive.

Iruka ran his hand through his loose hair. "Um... Goodnight then."

"Goodnight." Kakashi leaned over and Iruka felt his heart beat wildly in his chest. After a moment that seemed to last forever the silver haired man placed a quick gentle kiss on his cheek.

"Aw come on were not accepting that!" Anko yelled slamming her fist down on the table. "that wasn't even a real kiss."

"Yeah!" Genma chimed in "I'm sure you wouldn't want us telling the Hokage you weren't doing your jobs properly."

"Fuck you!" was all Iruka could come up with, his head was hurting way too much for him to care.

"You just want something to hold over our heads." Kakashi stated.

"True" replied Anko maliciously "But isn't it worse to know that you chickened out of finishing a mission."

That stung Kakashi and he sent a heated glare at the purple haired ninja, who looked completely non-plussed. Before either they or Iruka had realized what was going on Kakashi had grabbed hold of the brown haired man pulled down his mask and planted a pair of warm lips upon Iruka's. At first the academy sensei had been shocked but then had all of a sudden relaxed and started kissing back. Too dazed to realize exactly who he was kissing. Quickly it deepened and soon tongues were exploring one another's mouths passionately. Kakashi threaded his hands through Iruka's hair eliciting a quiet moan from the man. After a few moments Iruka regained his senses. 'Oh my god what the fuck am I doing.' he pulled away sharply, face beet red and glared at the Jounin whose back faced the crowd.

The class looked at the two of them in various states of shock and nosebleeds, then burst into cheers. Iruka felt like dying on the spot a look of pure horror on his face.

Unable to control his temper any longer he walked over to the Jounin causing all his problems and promptly decked him in the face with all the strength he could muster.

"You fucking asshole." He snarled before fleeing the room as fast as he could.

Looking shocked his eyes followed the enraged Chuunin as he fled, pulling up his mask he turned to the rabble and said simply.

"Um... Class dismissed."

~The End~

A/N: Okay this is a bit random I know but it amused me at least. Anywho there is a sequel in the works called "Anti-Social Interaction." and it's gonna be smut LOL. So bare with me I've only actually ever written smut once before and even the it wasn't all that good. -Coughs- Well if you enjoyed leave me a little review ^_^

The Lady Smaell.


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